Yo dont text me then not text me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
