So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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