This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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