I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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