God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
