there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
