Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
