i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
