The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
