I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
