Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Where is the hickey?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
