Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
