please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The best revenge is premature balding
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
