Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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