if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
