Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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