yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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