i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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