I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
