And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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