I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
