My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
