My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
