I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
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She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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