I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
