hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Randomize
