Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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