Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
