I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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