Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
These tits shall not be calmed
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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