i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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