Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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