What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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