Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
