Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
