i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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