Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
