in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
