Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
