Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
