His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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