I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she told me i tasted like america
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
