I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
