he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
