you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
how drunk are you?
Several
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
