i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Boobs are out for the taking
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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