Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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