The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
