just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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