she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
