got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
so much tequila, so little girl.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
