so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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