You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
