Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
