Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
