dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
even my farts smell like vagina
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
