she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
