Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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