I showed him my bush... on skype.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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