So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
