he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
