listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
